Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i drank out of a bidet.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
