the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
