I could have mohawked her pubes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
