Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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