That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
