Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
