On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
