Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
