well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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