Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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