I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
