i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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