Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
