my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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