Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
