i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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