sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
