I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
