Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you traded sex for a burrito?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
