i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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