Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have fence marks all over my body
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
