WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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