I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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