what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
