Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
