Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
