1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
