Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
