I puked a lego.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i now understand why vodka
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
