You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
