I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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