I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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