I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
