Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
