i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
