i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
