I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
