I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
