yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
