When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
