When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
