FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
