We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
