I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
