We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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