Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
