Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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