this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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