If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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