Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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