R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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