you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
